Are you raising a difficult teen? Navigating Middle School Behavior and Big Emotions

If you’ve ever found yourself staring at your tween and thinking, Who even are you right now?, you’re not alone. Middle schoolers can be dramatic, unpredictable, and—let’s be honest—a little rude sometimes. But does that mean you’re raising a “difficult” teen? Probably not.

In our latest episode of Parenting Shrink Wrapped, we tackled a real-life question from a worried parent whose 13-year-old son was pushing limits at school and getting into trouble. It sparked a conversation about middle school behavior problems, why tweens act the way they do, and how parents can respond in a way that actually helps.

Let’s break it down.

Middle Schoolers: Big Feelings, Small Impulse Control

First things first: your middle schooler’s brain is under construction. Two major brain areas are developing at the same time—but at very different speeds:

✅ The Emotional Center (Limbic System) – This part, which drives impulsivity, peer approval, and big emotions, is growing FAST.
✅ The Rational Brain (Prefrontal Cortex) – This part, responsible for decision-making and impulse control, is taking its sweet time.

The result? A kid who knows better but doesn’t always do better. That’s normal. Frustrating? Yes. But normal.

Why Is My Teen Acting Like This?

Before jumping to discipline, it helps to ask:

👉 Is this a “Can’t” or a “Won’t”? Some kids can’t control certain impulses yet, while others won’t because they’re testing boundaries.
👉 What’s the payoff? If acting out is getting them attention, status, or even just a break from something they don’t like, they’ll keep doing it.
👉 Are my expectations realistic? Middle school is the peak time for testing limits. That doesn’t mean you let things slide—but it does mean responding with understanding.

How to Handle Difficult, Disrespectful, or Risky Behavior

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If your tween’s behavior has you questioning your parenting skills, get my free video guide, How to Have a You Screwed Up Conversation. This guide will help you:

1️⃣ Help you feel confident when it’s time to talk to your teen.

2️⃣ Have clarity on exactly what to say.

3️⃣Be able to keep your emotions in check.

4️⃣ Maintain connection and build trust with your child.

5️⃣ Find a better way to have corrective conversations and move towards changing your teen’s behavior.

You’re Not Raising a DIFFICULT Teen—Promise.

Every middle schooler is going to push boundaries, act impulsively, and say things that make you cringe. The key is responding in a way that helps them grow, not just react.

Want more guidance? Tune into our latest podcast episode: Episode 17: Is My Kid A Jerk? Handling Middle School Behavior & Big Emotions or read this post where I discuss more about teen behavior at home: You Are Not Raising A Jerk, Despite Poor Behavior at Home or get my free video guide: How to Have a “You Screwed Up” Conversation.

And if you’ve got a middle school dilemma of your own, send it to parentingshrinkwrapped@gmail.com—we might tackle it in a future episode!