Grief and parenting are two words we don’t usually put together, but the truth is—they belong in the same sentence. Every family encounters grief, whether it’s through the death of a loved one, divorce, a move, a pet passing away, or even milestones like your teen leaving for college. And as parents, we’re left wondering: How do I help my kids navigate grief when I’m grieving too?
In a recent conversation on Parenting Shrink Wrapped, Melissa and I spoke with grief specialist, Marna Brickman, about what grief really looks like for parents and kids. One of the biggest takeaways: all grief is normal.
The Many Faces of Grief
Grief doesn’t show up as just sadness. It often looks like:
- Irritability (“How can the world keep spinning when I’ve lost so much?”)
- Physical symptoms like headaches, nausea, or exhaustion
- Mental fog—reading the same line over and over, forgetting why you walked into a room
- Spiritual questions (“Why did this happen? Where is my loved one now?”)
- Social withdrawal—or the opposite, needing to be around people constantly
When you name these experiences as grief, it helps normalize what feels overwhelming.
Talking to Kids About Grief
Children and teens process grief differently depending on their developmental stage. Young children may regress or become anxious if the loss isn’t explained clearly. That’s why using direct language—“their body stopped working and they died”—is so important. Euphemisms like “went to sleep” can actually cause fear and confusion.
For teens, grief often resurfaces at milestones. A child who lost a parent at age seven may feel the loss all over again at high school graduation when that parent isn’t there. This doesn’t mean something is wrong—it’s a natural part of grief unfolding as their understanding of the world deepens.
Modeling Healthy Grief
Many parents want to hide their tears, but kids learn by watching us. If you wipe your face and pretend nothing happened, the message becomes “we don’t talk about this.” Instead, narrate what’s happening: “I’m just missing Grandma right now. It’s okay to feel sad.”
By showing your kids that sadness is survivable, you give them permission to express their own emotions instead of bottling them up.
Honoring and Remembering
Grief doesn’t end—it changes shape. Families can find comfort in rituals of remembrance:
- Sharing stories or photos
- Including a loved one’s favorite food in a meal
- Setting aside time on birthdays or anniversaries
- Mentioning the loved one’s name in everyday conversation
These acts keep the memory alive while showing kids that grief and love coexist.
Finding Meaning
Finally, grief isn’t about “getting over it.” Instead, it’s about living with it. Sometimes, families find new meaning in loss—supporting a cause, honoring a loved one’s legacy, or simply being more intentional in their relationships moving forward.
Parenting takeaway: You don’t have to be perfect in grief. You just have to keep showing up, honest and present. Your kids don’t need a parent who hides the pain; they need a parent who models how to carry it with love.
👉 Listen to the full episode here
Resources:
➡️ Grief.com David Kessler’s grief resources and support groups
➡️ Tender Hearts grief support community
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