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I’d like to introduce a key parenting strategy to connect with your teen. I teach this to all of my coaching clients: “Join before you shift.” When it comes to raising teens, so many of our conversations are what I call “change conversations.” These are the moments when we’re asking our teens to make a …

I went to see Inside Out 2 with my soon-to-be-18-year-old daughter on opening night, and I’m so glad I did. As someone who swims in the waters of all things teen, I’ve been looking forward to the release of this film since I learned it was in creation. If you’re familiar with the original Inside …

The other night my husband and I were reminiscing about our college days, which is when we met.  (That I was just a few months older than my youngest is now when I met the guy I’d eventually marry is a tad mind-blowing to me.  I mean–I felt so much OLDER than my daughter feels …

Surviving the Summer Tech Vortex Ah, summer! The season of sun, fun, and… a seemingly endless screen time battle with your adolescent–particularly younger adolescents. They’re too old for summer camp and too young for a summer job, so how do you keep them from transforming into screen zombies while you’re at work? Here’s your sanity-saving …

When our kids were younger, we often found ourselves in the role of conductor, orchestrating the rhythms and melodies of our children’s lives. But adolescent development often has teens seeking greater independence, taking new risks, and, eager to find their own baton to lead,  The Conductor and the Orchestra  I often say that one of the …

Is Love in the Air?  It’s the month of Valentine’s Day.  Maybe love is in the air for your teen?  (And maybe not–both scenarios are totally normal for the age group.)  Whether your teen is managing a romantic relationship of their own or is a bystander to the relationship of one of their peers, it’s …

New year’s Eve Negotiations With New Year’s Eve on the horizon, it’s possible your teen parties will also be on the horizon. What if your teen asks to go to a party and you don’t know the host or the host’s family?  First of all, it’s totally up to you as to whether you want …

My late mother was a sentimental soul…and a perfectionist. This combination made holidays like Thanksgiving particularly fraught in my household. In theory, my mom loved all the little traditions like place settings “just so” at the dinner table, turkey-shaped salt and pepper shakers, and pulling out the “good china” that required hand washing. I now …

Halloween with teens is a bit of a mixed bag. On the one hand, the holiday gives adolescents a chance to revel in the traditions of childhood. On the other, it can be a reminder of the middle ground that teens occupy between childhood and adulthood. And that middle ground can feel awkward. Why I …

It’s been a rough few weeks in the Straub family. And I’m parenting in crisis mode. If you follow me on social media, you may have already heard about the humongous tree that fell through the roof of our home two weeks ago, leaving my family temporarily homeless.   And if you don’t follow me on social …

Back to school time means a return to routines, structures, and academic pursuits.  And, for many families, this time of year also means a ramp up in extracurriculars, now often referred to as “co-curriculars” in many school settings.  Why “co” instead of “extra”?  Schools realize that these activities play a vital role in shaping your …

The Human Brain is Wired for Comparison We humans are wired to compare ourselves to others. Evolutionarily speaking, this tendency is adaptive. Eons ago, those who could size up tribal expectations and then adapt their performance to fit into the tribe’s norms were more likely to be accepted, and, by extension, taken care of. And–with …

A couple weeks ago, I sent out  the link to the first video I’d made as part of my FREE summer parenting tips series. In case you didn’t get a chance to watch that,  I’ve got valuable insights to share from that clip that I hope will have you thinking, “Okay, yeah. This totally happens …

Supporting your child as they transition to college brings up parental emotions from elation to grief and everything in between. The resources below are ones I’ve collected over the years that address this exciting, nostalgic…and sometimes chaotic time in a family. Websites about the college transition Grown and Flown is an excellent resource for parents …

Could Cold Showers be the Secret to Better Parenting? For the last 90 seconds of my morning shower, I turn the hot water all the way off, and pretty much just gasp while icy water hits my skin.  I’ve been engaging in this nonsense for nearly a year, after listening to a podcast on the …

Parenting can be a real bear sometimes. When it comes to navigating rough patches, studies show that some parental responses are more effective than others. Experts have determined three different parenting approaches: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative, and have studied the effects each approach has on kids’ resilience and on the parent-child relationship. What Goldilocks and …

I’m in the middle of a big professional change that can be summarized in a one word: Transition. Transitions, while potentially exciting, are also a time of unsteadiness, uncertainty, and unfinished business. Big changes on the professional horizon Last week, I let the school where I have been employed as a high school counselor for …

I tend not to make a New Year’s resolution, in part because, as an educator, my “year” has started in August and ended in June for the past four decades. Thus, January is often more of a midpoint for me than it is a beginning.  That said, over the past couple weeks, I have had …

WHY TO AVOID “WHY” QUESTIONS WITH YOUR TEEN When it comes to making requests and inquiries of their teens, parent language matters–a lot.  With my parent coaching clients, we do a lot of examining of the language, tone, and timing around parent-child interactions.  We seek to discover points of intervention where the parent’s behavior–including word …

If you are raising an anxious teen, first, my heart goes out to you.  Parenting anxious kids requires one of the finest balancing acts in that parents must constantly ask themselves “Does my child need comfort or pushing in this moment?”  “Should I accommodate the anxiety or make her face the music?”  What is the …

I have a confession to make. I dropped my kid at college, and I’m pretty stinkin’ happy about it. Last week, I dropped my oldest off at college. In the days leading up to the drop-off and throughout the day-of, friends kept checking in with me to ask how I was holding up. Sending my …

September is almost here, bringing with it the promise of a new beginning in the form a new school year. But with new beginnings also come transitions. And with transitions, even happy ones, stress is usually lurking nearby. It’s a lot to balance as students adjust to earlier schedules, increased demands on their time, and …

by Samantha Straub When your child has a setback, remember that, often, parents need support, too!  It hurts to watch your kid struggle.  When they are treated poorly by others, feel misunderstood, get left out, don’t make the team, aren’t admitted, or experience most any sort of set back, it’s not just the kid that …

by Samantha Straub Parents often worry that the poor teen behavior we see at home is the same stuff our kids show the world when we’re not around.  Generally, however, that’s not the case.  They save their ugly for home.  On the road (i.e. at school, at friends’ houses, on their teams, at their jobs, …