Before we even started recording this episode of Parenting Shrink Wrapped, our guest, 19-year-old Tilghman Grim, told me he agreed to come on the podcast because he believes in the exchange of ideas. That immediately told me we were in for a thoughtful conversation, and he certainly didn’t disappoint.
Tilghman’s parents divorced when he was five years old, which means he’s spent most of his life navigating two homes. Today he’s a college student studying history and political science, and he joined us to share what it was actually like growing up with divorced parents while also managing ADHD. His perspective was refreshingly honest, incredibly mature, and full of hope for parents who worry they’re getting it all wrong.
What Children Actually Remember
I think listeners will appreciate hearing what Tilghman actually remembers from the divorce. As adults, we often assume our children are carrying around the same worries and emotions that we are. We replay difficult conversations, wonder if we’ve made the right decisions, and fear the long-term impact on our kids. But Tilghman doesn’t remember court documents or adult disagreements. He remembers going to the playground with his dad, eating pizza together, and adjusting to sleeping in two different homes.
His memories are reminders that children often experience divorce very differently than adults do. Young children aren’t analyzing the status of their parents’ relationship the way we are. They’re paying attention to whether they feel safe, cared for, and connected. That doesn’t mean divorce isn’t difficult, but it does remind us that creating moments of security and stability can happen in the midst of difficulties between parents. AND that such moments leave a lasting impact.
Co-Parenting Is Not a Competition
When I asked Tilghman what advice he would give parents who are co-parenting after divorce, his answer came quickly: “Co-parenting is not a competition.”
Pretty big nugget of wisdom from this 19 year-old young adult.
Children don’t benefit when parents try to outdo one another with bigger vacations, more gifts, or looser rules. While Tilghman shared examples of how children can notice differences between households, he was also careful to point out that he doesn’t believe his own parents intentionally competed with one another. Instead, he wanted parents to recognize how easily that dynamic can develop if they’re not careful.
Healthy co-parenting isn’t about keeping score. It’s about creating an environment where children never feel caught in the middle. Kids need the freedom to love both parents without guilt, knowing they don’t have to choose sides or carry the emotional burden of adult conflict.
Kids Need Parents Who Focus on the Kids
One of the things I appreciated most was the grace Tilghman extended to both of his parents. He openly acknowledged that neither of them was perfect, then shared something every parent needs to hear: “Nobody is perfect.”
As parents, we often put enormous pressure on ourselves to get everything right. We replay mistakes, second-guess decisions, and wonder if we’ve somehow failed our children. But perfection isn’t what our kids are asking for. They need parents who continue to love them, who own their mistakes, who listen well, and who keep showing up. Consistency, humility, and genuine care matter far more than flawless parenting.
A Teen’s Perspective on ADHD
Our conversation also turned to ADHD, something Tilghman has navigated since childhood. He shared that while his parents sometimes had different approaches, they both wanted what was best for him and worked to support his needs. Looking back now, he recognizes how much they were trying to help him, even when he didn’t always agree with their decisions.
When I asked what advice he would give parents raising children with ADHD, I expected him to mention medication or school accommodations or communication approaches. Instead, he smiled and said, “Don’t buy them an iPad. Let them go outside.” While every child with ADHD is different, his point was clear. Children need opportunities to move, explore, play, and experience the world beyond a screen. Those experiences help build confidence, attention, and resilience in ways technology simply can’t replace.
The Parenting Rule He Appreciates Today
Towards the end of the conversation, Tilghman thanked his mom for making him leave his iPad downstairs every night before bed. As a child, he fought the rule and looked for ways around it. As a young adult, however, he now sees it as one of the best parenting decisions she made.
That’s such an encouraging reminder for parents. Many of the boundaries we set won’t be appreciated at the moment. In fact, our children may resist them with everything they’ve got. But healthy limits, even the unpopular ones, often become the lessons our kids value most once they’ve matured enough to understand why we set them.
Raising the Next Generation of World Changers
This conversation left me feeling incredibly hopeful. It served as a reminder that children are remarkably resilient when they know they’re loved. Divorce doesn’t have to define a child’s future, and ADHD doesn’t have to determine what’s possible. What matters most is raising children in environments where they feel supported, respected, and deeply valued.
If you’re parenting through divorce, navigating ADHD, or simply wondering whether you’re doing enough, I hope this episode offers you the same encouragement it offered me. What your children really need is a parent who is present. They need someone who listens, who loves them consistently, and who keeps showing up day after day.
Those ordinary moments are often the ones that shape extraordinary adults.
And that’s exactly how we raise the next generation of world changers.
Read other articles on parenting and co-parenting:
What Thousands of Families Have Taught Me About Parenting