I've been thinking today about what an incredible privilege my career has been.
Most of us grow up knowing our own family from the inside. We know a handful of other families through friends or relatives, but we don't often get to see the incredible variety of ways families love each other, disconnect, reconnect, solve problems, repair, and build a life together.
I've had the privilege of doing that for decades.
Most of Us Only Know One Family From the Inside
As a teacher, a school counselor, a therapist, and now a parenting coach, I've been invited into thousands of families. People have trusted me with some of their most vulnerable moments. They've let me see what feels broken, what they're afraid of, what they're proud of, and what they're trying so hard to figure out.
I don't take that trust lightly.
Every family has its own story, and every time someone invites me into theirs, I feel honored.
After all these years, one thing stands out to me over and over again.
What I See Beneath the Conflict
At the root of almost every family I've worked with is love.
It's not always easy to see because sometimes it's buried under conflict, exhaustion, fear, or misunderstanding. But underneath it is this deep desire for attachment, for connection, and for belonging to one another.
Parents want to reach their kids.
Kids want to feel understood.
Even when they're hurting each other, even when they're stuck in unhealthy patterns, most families aren't fighting because they don't care. They're fighting because they care so deeply and can't quite find their way back to each other.
That realization has shaped the way I approach every family I work with.
There Isn't One Right Way to Build a Connected Family
One of the things I love most is working with families that are different from my own. Different cultures. Different personalities. Different traditions. Different ways of communicating.
I get to watch them show up for one another in ways that are exactly right for their family, even if those same approaches wouldn't necessarily work in mine.
What I've learned is that there are certain ingredients that seem to matter in every healthy family: connection, safety, repair, curiosity, steadiness, and love.
But what those ingredients actually look like in real life varies tremendously.
There isn't one right way to build a connected family.
There are as many expressions of healthy family life as there are families.
I think that's pretty amazing.
Parents Are the Current Generation of World Changers
This week I watched parents do incredibly brave things.
I watched them pause before reacting.
I watched them apologize.
I watched them try a different approach even when it felt awkward.
I watched them stay steady when it would've been easier to get pulled into the storm.
That's vulnerable work.
It's hard work.
And it's some of the most important work I can imagine.
Melissa and I end every episode of our podcast, Parenting Shrink Wrapped, by saying, "Thank you for raising the next generation of world changers."
Lately I've found myself wondering if maybe we should also be thanking the parents for being the current generation of world changers.
Because every time a parent chooses connection over shame, curiosity over assumptions, repair over pride, they're changing the world right now. They're changing the world inside their own home, and that ripple reaches farther than any of us will ever know.
Why I Keep Doing This Work
Every family has a different story. Every parent has moments of doubt. Every child is finding their own path.
Being invited into that journey is a privilege I do not take for granted.
Maybe that's why, after all these years, I'm still so hopeful.
Not because parenting is easy. It isn't.
Not because families don't struggle. They do.
But because I've seen, over and over again, what can happen when people are willing to stay curious, stay connected, and keep showing up for one another.
I've watched thousands of families do that work.
And I still think it's one of the most remarkable things there is.