How Trauma Affects Parenting—and What You Can Do About It

If your teen’s eye roll makes you feel irrationally furious, or their silence sends you spiraling into shame, you’re not alone—and you’re not crazy. These moments might be revealing how trauma affects parenting, especially when old wounds resurface in everyday interactions with your child.

In a recent episode of Parenting Shrink Wrapped, we had the privilege of sitting down with Laura Reagan, LCSW-C, a trauma-informed therapist and host of the Therapy Chat podcast. Laura joined us to talk about how trauma affects parenting, what ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) really mean, and how parents can begin healing for themselves—while showing up more fully for their kids.

What Is Trauma, Really?

One of the biggest takeaways from our conversation with Laura? Trauma isn’t limited to catastrophic events. It’s not just for people who’ve been through war, abuse, or disaster. It can also stem from less visible experiences, like emotional neglect, chronic stress, or growing up with a parent who struggled to meet your emotional needs.

When kids experience something overwhelming whether it’s a one-time event or a repeated pattern and they don’t have the support to process it, it gets stored in the body. And those old coping mechanisms? They don’t magically go away. They just wait until your own child slams a door or “talks back”… and suddenly, you’re 12 again, re-living what it felt like to be unheard.

The ACEs Study: Why the Past Still Matters

Laura walked us through the groundbreaking ACEs study (Adverse Childhood Experiences), which showed a direct link between early adversity and long-term health issues including mental health struggles, autoimmune disorders, and even shorter lifespans.

But here’s the good news: trauma is not your destiny. Intervention, therapy, and even small, mindful parenting shifts can significantly reduce the long-term effects of adverse childhood experiences.

Signs You May Be Parenting from a Trauma Template

• You feel unsafe when your child is upset or emotional
  
• You shut down or explode when there’s conflict
  
• You hear your parent’s voice coming out of your own mouth
  
• You crave control or predictability to feel okay
  
• You struggle to identify or regulate your own emotions
  

Sound familiar? That’s not failure. That’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was wired to do.

Why This Matters for Your Teen

As Laura shared, trauma impacts attachment, and that attachment shapes how we do relationships, including the one with our kids. Teens, with their hormonal chaos and big emotions, often trigger our own unresolved stuff. The good news? Awareness is the first step toward change.

Even better news: Repair is possible.

Something as simple as saying, “I was really stressed earlier and I took it out on you. That wasn’t okay,” can go a long way in preserving secure attachment and showing your teen what healthy emotional repair looks like.

What You Can Do Next

• Get curious, not critical. Notice your reactions and wonder where they came from.
• Narrate what’s happening. If you’re dysregulated, let your child know it’s not about them.
• Make repairs. It’s never too late to say “I messed up” and reconnect.
• Seek support. Therapy, especially trauma-informed, somatic therapy, can be transformative.
  

💡 Not sure where to start? Check out traumatherapistnetwork.com, Laura’s directory for finding trauma-informed providers.

And if you’re looking for a parenting space that gets it, where you don’t have to pretend you have it all together, come check out the Teen Savvy Parent Hub. It’s a community built for parents just like you.

You’re not broken. You’re human. And parenting can be a healing journey for both you and your child.

Want more support as you navigate the emotional rollercoaster of raising teens?
Check out the Teen Savvy Parent Hub—a membership community full of expert advice, real-talk support, and strategies that actually work for parents of teens and tweens.
👉 Learn more and join today

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Related Blog Posts from TeenSavvyCoaching.com:

• Trauma Doesn’t Have to Define Your Parenting
  
• Parenting While Being Parented: The Sandwich Generation
  

Two Dads, laughs, advice about fatherhood and the truth about raising kids.