My husband hates ceremonies.  Like–hates them.  

Our oldest is graduating from college this spring, and I’m just waiting for the “Can’t’ they just mail the diplomas and call it a day?” conversation that will inevitably go down.  

It’s not that he’s not proud of our son, or happy about whatever accomplishment is being “ceremonied”.  He just doesn’t need a ceremony to give him permission to feel proud, happy, …or anything else for that matter.  

He’d rather attend an informal dinner with our son’s roommates and their parents at a local eatery, where there’s good conversation, good food, and zero chance of sweltering in hot stadium bleachers.  

As he likes to ask rhetorically, 

“When was the last time you were at a graduation and you wished the speeches were longer?”

When we were younger, my not-yet-husband’s lack of appreciation for pomp and circumstance (see what I did there) sometimes irritated me.  Because if ever there was a boyfriend who was going to make a big fuss about a special occasion–well, I was not dating that guy.  

But now that he and I have been around the sun a few more times, I’m a lot cooler with his “we don’t need to throw a party for this moment” approach.  

And the holidays are no exception.  I credit Mr. Unsentimental with helping me to embrace the “good enough” holiday.  Because lowering holiday expectations was definitely NOT a message I received growing up. 

This week on Parenting Shrink Wrapped, Melissa and I share about holiday expectations and dealing with the stress that come with them.

The holidays have a funny way of sneaking pressure into our homes.

Pressure to make things magical.
Pressure to keep traditions alive.
Pressure to make everyone happy—especially our kids.

And when you’re parenting teens, that pressure can feel even heavier. Teens are in a stage of life where they’re stretching for independence, pushing back on traditions, and not always showing appreciation in ways that feel reassuring. So when the holidays don’t look the way you imagined, it’s easy to wonder if you’re doing something wrong.

Here’s the truth I want you to hear loud and clear: your holiday does not need to be perfect to be meaningful.

In fact, a good enough holiday is often exactly what teens need.

Why Teens Don’t Need a Perfect Holiday

Teens aren’t measuring the holidays by decorations, gifts, or whether everything goes according to plan. What they’re actually absorbing is the emotional climate in the home.

When parents are stressed, overextended, or resentful trying to make everything perfect, teens feel that, even if they don’t say it. And when parents give themselves permission to simplify, to let go of unrealistic expectations, something shifts. There’s more patience. More flexibility. More room for teens to be exactly who they are in this stage of life.

That’s what creates connection.

Letting Go Without Giving Up

Letting go of perfection doesn’t mean canceling the holidays or “phoning it in.” It means being intentional about what actually matters.

Maybe that looks like:

• Scaling back traditions that feel more draining than joyful
  
• Setting boundaries with extended family around sensitive topics
  
• Giving teens permission to opt out of certain activities without guilt
  
• Choosing connection over control
  

A good enough holiday still includes time together, shared meals, laughter, and moments of warmth…even if it doesn’t look picture-perfect.

Navigating Teen Pushback During the Holidays

It’s common for teens to resist parts of the holiday season. They may not want to dress up, attend every gathering, or participate in traditions they loved as kids. That doesn’t mean they don’t care.  It means they’re growing.

This is where parents can shift from taking it personally to seeing it developmentally. Teens are practicing autonomy. They’re figuring out who they are. The holidays can actually be a great opportunity to respect that growth while still staying connected.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is make space for your teen to show up as themselves, even if that looks different than it used to.

What Teens Actually Remember

Years from now, your teen is unlikely to remember the exact gifts they received or whether the house was decorated “just right.” What they will remember is how it felt to be in your home.

Did it feel safe?
Did it feel accepting?
Did it feel okay to be human?

When parents release the pressure to perform the holidays perfectly, they create room for genuine togetherness—and that’s what sticks.

A Permission Slip for Parents

If this season feels messy, loud, emotional, or unfinished, that doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re parenting real humans in real life.

A good enough holiday is not a compromise.
It’s a gift—to your teen and to yourself.

Wishing you a perfectly imperfect holiday season.

Looking for more resources? Check out this other post.

Managing Holiday Expectations With Teens